When Couples Therapy Isn’t the Right Next Step

Couples therapy can be incredibly effective in helping partners repair connection, rebuild trust, and improve communication. But there are times when relationship counselling isn’t the right or safe option.

At Live Life Happy Therapy, we believe it’s important to be clear about when couples therapy may not be suitable, and why individual support or other steps might need to come first

🚫 1. When There Is Abuse or Control

If there is emotional, physical, or sexual abuse in a relationship, couples therapy is not the right setting.

Why?

• Therapy relies on openness and honesty, but an abusive partner may use the therapy space to control, intimidate, or manipulate.

• It can put the victim at greater risk, especially if disclosures made in therapy are later used against them.

👉 In these cases, safety must come first. Individual therapy and specialist domestic abuse services are safer and more effective starting points.

🚫 2. When There Is Active Addiction

If one partner is struggling with alcohol, drugs, gambling, or another addiction, it can be difficult to make progress in couples therapy.

Why?

• Addiction often becomes the “third party” in the relationship, overshadowing communication and trust.

• Until the addiction is being addressed, the same destructive patterns are likely to keep repeating.

👉 Addiction-focused support, such as individual therapy, group recovery programmes, or medical treatment, should usually come first. Once stability has been reached, couples therapy can be very beneficial in repairing the impact on the relationship.

🚫 3. When There Is No Commitment to Change

Couples therapy works best when both partners are willing to engage. If one person is strongly resistant, only attending under pressure, or completely unwilling to reflect on their role in the relationship, therapy is unlikely to move forward.

Why?

• Progress requires honesty and effort from both sides.

• Without commitment, sessions may feel one-sided and frustrating.

👉 Sometimes, individual therapy can help each partner clarify what they want, before returning to couples therapy when both are ready.

🚫 4. When a Separation Decision Is Already Made

If one partner has already decided to end the relationship, couples therapy may not be the right fit.

Why?

• Therapy can’t “undo” a decision that has already been made.

• In these cases, therapy may become more about conflict than healing.

👉 What can be helpful here is separation counselling, a space to end the relationship with clarity and respect, especially when children are involved.

When Couples Therapy Is Helpful

Couples therapy is powerful when both partners are:

• Safe with each other (no abuse or coercion)

• Open to change, even if unsure how

• Willing to be vulnerable and listen

• Committed to exploring whether and how the relationship can heal

When these conditions are in place, approaches like Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and other evidence-based methods offer couples a proven path back to closeness, trust, and harmony.

Final Thoughts

Couples therapy isn’t about forcing two people to stay together. It’s about creating a safe space to explore the relationship and decide how to move forward.

But safety and readiness always come first. In cases of abuse, control, or untreated addiction, individual support is the most important step before considering couples work.

💡 At Live Life Happy Therapy, we offer both couples counselling and individual therapy, so you can find the support that’s right for your situation.